8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
