The maid of honor just puked.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
