My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
