kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my being single is dangerous.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
