Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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