Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
