ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
