"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
