Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
