By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
