I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
