Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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