I wish I only lived at night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
