She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I cut my penus on the lid.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
