Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
