Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
