So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
