I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
