I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
