I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
