the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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