Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
