I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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