at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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