awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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