i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
