Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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