wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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