Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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