he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
