she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
