You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
