She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
