hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
