I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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