Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
