I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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