Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
