Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
