we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My vagina just recognized that song.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
