I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
