If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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