wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hippo gnu deer
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
