Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
