Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
