I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
