dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
