Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
