You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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