dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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